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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122894">Birdboy and Batgirl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyheart/pseuds/greyheart'>greyheart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And so are they, Based off Babs being a jerk in canon, Batfam did Dick wrong, Dick has unhealthy boundaries, Dick is trying so hard to get this right, Post Ric Grayson, and we're talking about it, she eventually gets it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:15:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,225</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyheart/pseuds/greyheart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>HERE IT IS! My interpersonal Relationship Final Project. That's right. I wrote Fanfiction for school. I win.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since Dick got his memories back and returned to the family, Barbara has been ignoring him or straight up blowing him off with snide comments. It's clear they are both hurting from Dick's time as Ric and Dick is tired of waiting for Barbara to give him a chance. This is getting worked out now or never.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barbara Gordon &amp; Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Birdboy and Batgirl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here, you get to read how I explained this to my professor.</p><p>Preface: I found the topics and tool for crucial conversations to be very useful for real-world application but felt that it would be entertaining to present them in a fictional setting. I hope what happens in the following conversations is self-explanatory but for clarification, this centers around the character Dick Grayson, Nightwing, and former Robin to Batman, as he is trying to integrate back into the family unit after a long absence. As issues are brought to his attention he has a much-needed conversation with Barbara Gordon aka, Batgirl, in the hopes of mending their broken friendship. Topics covered, however briefly, include dehumanization, fool’s choice, exploring others’ paths, boundaries, aspects of safety, STATE, and mutual purpose.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah yeah, blah blah, stuff. But I have been writing for two days straight and I am DONE. ENJOY!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was three in the morning and Dick was getting to the point where he was going to agree to anything Bruce said as long as he could finally go to bed. Which wouldn’t work out in the end because the mission they were planning for really needed everyone’s input. Though, looking around, everyone else seemed to be feeling just as tired. The last few nights on patrol had been longer than usual, as everyone searched down their part of the needed intel and it was finally catching up to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was still in their suits, minus masks. Tim’s head was close to dropping onto Barbara’s shoulder and that just might topple them both over. Jason was...not even bothering to look in Bruce’s direction anymore, with his chair tipped back and feet strategically resting on the computer console. Not that Bruce was noticing any of that. As usual, he was pushing himself to the brink and expected everyone else to do the same. By now Alfred would have…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick’s thoughts came to a screeching halt and he attempted to push back the sadness that wanted to overwhelm him. Alfred would have already brought down a snack and reminded everyone that this could be finished tomorrow. He would have sent Bruce a disapproving look and subtly guilted him into ending the planning session for the night. Everyone knew this. Maybe that was why no one was saying anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing at Alfred’s grave, Dick didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive himself for missing the funeral, even though, at the time, he wouldn’t have come if he had known. Traumatic brain injury and psychological manipulation from various people and groups certainly hadn’t put him in the right mindset to care for the death of an old butler he didn’t even remember. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>An angry huff pulled Dick out of his thoughts in time to see Jason getting to his feet and with his body language it was clear there was about to be a fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick suppressed a groan. Why? Why did he always have to do this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you’re not going to stand up for yourself, Replacement,” Jason said snidely to Tim, who could only seem to look on in exasperation. It was an old insult but one Jason had started up again since their brother had taken back the Robin mantle, dehumanizing him and making it easier to be mean to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt more and more lately that he was just looking for an excuse to lash out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t want the old man to change his mind and kick you out, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason,” Bruce warned, anger tinging his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason turned to Bruce, “I’ll do it for him then. You don’t know everything, B, and everyone is tired of you yammering on about the mission and shutting down their ideas. We’re done for the night, alright? Apparently, you won though. The kids are sufficiently cowed under your omniscience and totalitarian leadership. They will follow you into the void. But we’ll go over the detail tomorrow,” he turned back to everyone, “And break!” he said, with a clap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Jason raged, Dick could see the anger building in Bruce. This was going to turn even more ugly if he didn’t stop it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Bruce drew in a breath, Dick stood up, getting his attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bruce, I think we’re showing some clear signs of exhaustion. Do you think it would be a good idea to pick this up tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long silent moment, then Bruce sighed deeply, “That’s probably a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me?” Jason asked in disbelief, “Of course Goldie gets the credit for this,” he turned to Dick, every inch of him still looking for a fight, “Can’t stand up to Bruce without someone to act as a buffer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did he always have to do this when their patience was already running thin?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight everyone,” he said, doing his best to just ignore the jab.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason shook his head with a bitter laugh, “Glad to have you back, Goldie, good to know things never change,” before stomping to the other end of the cave to retrieve his helmet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The area cleared out quickly then. Bruce and Tim turned toward the showers while Barbara started down the steps toward the vehicle bay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babs…” Dick tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night, Tim,” Barbara said, not even acknowledging him, as she headed over to her motorcycle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not wanting to relive the more recent memory of her peeling out and leaving him in the dust, Dick stayed where he was and watched her go. Somehow he was going to have to fix this between them. His time spent living as, amnesiac Ric Grayson, very much away from the family he no longer remembered, had left some deep emotional wounds with various members. He had already spent a great deal of time visiting Damian, but with the former Robin living with the Teen Titans, there wasn’t much he could do outside of video chats and phone calls now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara, though, seemed to be taking this even harder than Damian had. No matter what he tried to say to her, and he had so much to say, she just shut him down, making him feel like his words were being swallowed up by an expansive nothingness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of heading to his own motorcycle, for some reason, maybe because he liked to punish himself, he turned to intercept Jason on his way to his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason gave him an incredulous look as Dick blocked his way but didn’t make another attempt to get by, maybe hoping to get his fight after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need something, Goldie, now that your audience is gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's kind of the point Jason that didn't need an audience. That shouldn't have happened in front of everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t going to just sit there all silent and submissive like the rest of you. Someone needed to do it and like always, it turned out to be me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that really what you think just happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s what always happens. I’m the only one that does anything when Bruce gets like that. He wasn’t listening to anyone’s input. That wasn’t a planning session, it was just him telling us what to do. And then, of course, when I stand up for us, I’m the bad guy for doing it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, there was a lot to address there and none of it was something that Jason would want to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re the bad guy, Jason. I think we’re all pretty tired tonight...this morning, and no one wanted to start an unnecessary argument.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I did, right?” Jason challenged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that. I just...How do you feel when you get called out in front of everyone? When it happens to me, I immediately feel embarrassed. Then, automatically, I get defensive. It doesn’t really put me in the mood to be receptive to what they’re saying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you want me to coddle Batman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not one or the other, Jason. Talking to him away from everyone isn’t coddling. It’s putting you both in a position where you don’t have to worry about what anyone else is thinking. If you plan it right, it’s just the two of you without time constraints so that you can actually go over the issues.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason paused but still sounded skeptical when he responded, “And that works for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Tim. Sometimes Bruce needs to be reminded that we’re not teenagers anymore and that we do in fact know what we are doing.” He hesitated before adding, “He hasn’t really been up to his normally moderate level of emotional intelligence lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason looked away, attempting to look annoyed but Dick saw the sadness there. Alfred’s death had hit everyone hard and would for awhile still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try even scheduling it in his planner. He’s supposed to reserve the daylight hours for company stuff but you know how he is with boundaries, it never stops him. </span>
</p><p> <span>Jason laughed, looking at Dick in disbelief “You’re one to talk, Goldie.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dick asked confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have terrible boundaries. I’d say it’s just with this family but it’s actually only worse with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick opened his mouth then closed it quickly when he realized he didn’t know what to say. “I seriously have no idea what you mean. I get along fine with everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Fine’, huh?” Jason laughed again, “So, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span> is dropping everything when Daddybat comes calling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about when we all thought you were dead and B actually sent you undercover on the other side of the world? You wanted to do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick’s lips thinned, “I was in the best position to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I asked, Dickie,” Jason interrupted, “Did you actually want to do that? Because as I understand it, he didn’t ask very politely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was an understatement. They had trashed the cave. It was still something Dick didn’t like thinking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agreed to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s my point, Dick, you didn’t want to but you said yes anyway. There’s no halfway with you. You either have no boundaries at all and you let everyone walk all over you or you cut out and put a wall up, not that it stays up long. All they have to do is bat their puppy dog eyes and tell you how much they need you and it comes crumbling down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick stopped short in his reply. That wasn’t...he didn’t do that every time. Did he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me they didn’t try that when you had brain damage and were living out of your car?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick’s silence was enough of an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason’s eye’s widened, “Holy crap, they did, didn’t they? And it didn’t work that time because you didn’t actually remember them.” Jason whistled, “No wonder, Babs is pissed. Her bird boy didn’t come running.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick stood there stunned. Jason was on a roll tonight. Was that really why Barbara was upset with him? He knew she had implied a few things the other day but...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m done, Goldie. And by the look on your face you’ve got some other things you’ve got to deal with so out of my way, “he said, shoving past him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Other things to deal with</span>
  </em>
  <span>’, no joke. The cave suddenly felt very confining and he headed for his bike. Dick needed to get out. He felt the pull of the clocktower but headed in the opposite direction. He couldn’t talk to Babs yet, he could feel it in his chest, the anger and hurt building over Bab’s own anger. If he went straight there he’d end up saying something he’d regret, especially with them both still so tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, he needed time to think this through. Anytime he tried to talk to her she blew him off anyway. She was hurt by everything that had happened as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This conversation needed to happen away from their night lives when he could talk to Babs and not Batgirl. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>-  *  -  *  -</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick heard the lock being turned and his anxiety jumped. He honestly couldn’t think of any other way to do this, and there was still a very real chance she was about to blow up and never talk to him again. Great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara came around the corner stopping abruptly when she saw him in her kitchen.</span>
</p><p><span>“Hey, Babs,” he said, giving her a hesitant wave.</span><span><br/>
</span> <span>He saw her eyes sharpen and she snapped out, “What the hell do you think you’re doing here, Dick?”</span></p><p>
  <span>Yep, not the best start. </span>
</p><p><span>“I need to talk to you and every time I try, you leave,” he said hurriedly, “I figured I might have a better chance to talk if we were out of the capes.”</span><span><br/>
</span> <span>“So, as Dick Grayson,” she said pointedly, “you broke into my apartment?”</span></p><p>
  <span>Yeah, invading her space was definitely not helping Babs to feel safe during this but-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the best way to begin this but I also know you wouldn’t have let me in and this needs to happen.” He made a little motion to a mug on the table, “I made you some tea,” he said, hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shoulders dropped the tiniest bit but her eyes narrowed even more and she was still tense as she walked and picked up the mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick could feel the tension ease a bit more as she smelled it. Licorice-peppermint, her favorite.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she wasn’t going to let him off that easily, she gave him an unimpressed look, “As far as I’m concerned this conversation ended a while ago.”</span>
</p><p><span>“That’s one of the problem’s Babs,” he pointed out, “we haven’t talked, not really. You’ve been shutting me out.”</span><span><br/>
</span> <span>“Turnaround’s fair play, </span><em><span>Ric</span></em><span>,” she needled as she sipped the tea, walking past him into the living room, “It doesn’t feel very good, does it?”</span></p><p>
  <span>Throwing the name Ric in his face hurt. At the time, he’d chosen to go by that instead of Dick or Richard, as another way of telling the family that he wasn’t who they remembered, to try and get them to stop pressuring him to be someone he couldn’t seem to live up to. But that never seemed to click all the way with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What turnaround, Babs? That wasn’t me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t it?” She demanded, putting the cup down on her end table with a clang, “You didn’t remember us and after you were released from the hospital you didn’t even try. You just left. You shut us out and didn’t care that we needed you. You were more than happy to start over in Bludhaven with strangers when we’d had your back for over a decade. You didn’t have to pretend to care anymore, so you didn’t, we finally got to see the real you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The real me?” Dick asked in disbelief. Did she really believe that? Did everyone? Dick remembered everything now, including his time away from the family and it was clear that they had been seeing the situation very differently than he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a slow breath, “So, you thought I was finally free to do whatever I wanted? That I took the situation as an excuse to just leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have to think anything, that’s what happened. The first chance you got you were gone and nothing we said could bring you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick bit off his immediate reactive response. No. He couldn’t get pulled into an angry back and forth. As much as he was hurting, he knew that Babs was hurting as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I didn’t remember any of you. I do now and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for everything that happened. I will never be able to forget the hurt in Damian’s eyes every time my reactions were off. I have spent a fair amount of time feeling sorry and apologizing, but not once has anyone apologized to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara's face turned to one of affronted shock, “Excuse me? We’re not the ones who-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Barbara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mouth snapped shut. It was just plain shock on her face now. He never used her full first name; hadn’t in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to dismiss your feelings or stop you from expressing yourself. But I also don’t want to get stuck in a back and forth of hurt feelings where we don’t actually work through the problem. Can I please finish what I was going to say and then I won’t stop you from saying what you need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned but nodded for him to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I woke up in the hospital, I was surrounded by people that I saw as strangers. I didn’t remember anything past being in the circus. I then learned that my parents were dead, that they had been murdered. Do you remember what I was like after my parents died? Maybe not, we were still becoming friends at school. But I think you remember enough to know that I was in a very bad place. To learn that and be told that I was missing years of my life since then? Suddenly I had a surprisingly large, new family that I knew nothing about. They were so relieved that I was even awake...and yet heartbroken that I couldn't remember them.” He could remember it distinctly on each of their faces and how it only grew with each visit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Dick Grayson you described to me wasn't me. Who I am now, is a summation of my life experiences. I have grown into who I am today. And there I am, this incomplete version, being told stories of a Dick Grayson that I didn't remember being. He sounded great, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick shook his head, a bit lost for the feeling it created, “Honestly he sounded intimidating. But even with all of this uncertainty, I thought, ‘I can try, at least. I can try to be this person that means so much to them’. Because I could never stop seeing how much all of you wanted me to suddenly be him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Babs looked vaguely uncomfortable but she was still listening, so he went on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was eventually released and taken home to the manor. Now, I was expecting to ease into my life, at least that's what my therapist was preparing me for. Sleep in my room, eat some of my favorite meals, maybe eventually remember something, anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and let out a huff, “Instead…”</span>
</p><p> <span>Babs visibly winced. She knew what was coming.</span></p><p>
  <span>“The first thing Bruce did was take me down into the Batcave. Suddenly I'm not just this other Dick Grayson, I'm also the vigilante, Nightwing. My adoptive father is Batman, my adopted siblings and friends are all vigilantes as well. And then on top of all of that,” his hands reach out as if to stop what’s about to happen and he feels a bit hysterical, recounting it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I'm just barely processing all of that, he shows me the surveillance footage of me being shot in the head. Can you imagine how overwhelming and even traumatizing that could be for someone?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He shouldn't have done that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, he shouldn’t have. But no one had stopped him either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick could only plow on, “So that point I'm freaking out and Bruce is telling me that he's doing this for my own good that they need me back to who was. Now, not just be Dick Grayson but also this vigilante with 15 years of experience under his belt. I ran away. I had already felt so overwhelmed, then to have all that dumped on me as well? I couldn't deal with that kind of pressure. But nobody seemed to care. All they kept saying was how much they needed me to get my memory back. The only person who was telling me to take my time was my therapist and at that point, I had no reason to trust Bruce more than the trained professional who was there to help me with my brain injury.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick shrugged, “So, I ran. I did everything I could to stay away from everyone. I couldn't trust my apartment in Bludhaven. I knew that I would be watched. So there I was alone... by choice,” he clarified, when it looked like Barbara was going to interject, “I know. I'm admitting to that. At that point, I didn't feel like I had any other choice. Living out of the cab I was driving for a job.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked over at Babs, “And then you come by.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her body instantly shifted to defensive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember what you said to me, Babs?”</span>
</p><p> <span>Her jaw clenched, “I was just trying to help you, Dick. I thought if I could connect to you, that if I could somehow get you to see-”</span></p><p>
  <span>He put his hands up in front of him, “I know, Babs. I know that </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not then though. Because you came and found me and then proceeded to tell me how much I was hurting the family. That I had no idea how much you all needed me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara squared her shoulders, “It was the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” he allows, before continuing carefully, “I think we can both agree that there was a lot of ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’s in that whole situation involving Ric. Right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara nodded in agreement, but was clearly waiting for the ‘but’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there definitely was a ‘but’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know, that not once did anyone say but I needed the family? Not once did anyone come up to me and tell me how worried you were about the fact that I was living in a car or ask if I needed any help that wasn't conditioned upon coming back into the fold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara had stiffened even more as he spoke. There was obviously something he had said that had struck a wrong cord.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her words were clipped when she finally spoke, “It was a difficult situation that nobody was prepared for, unfortunately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, that wasn’t something he could leave alone. That was one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> issues that couldn’t be ignored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I do remember,” he said, “is that when Bruce went through a similar situation years ago it went very differently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Babs hesitated, clearly surprised, “That was Alfred’s call, Dick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely,” he agreed, “It was Alfred who told me all about it, since I was across the world at the time. He sat Bruce down and started recounting his life but before he got to the part about Batman, Bruce told him to stop, that he wanted to be who he was now and not based on who he once was and Alfred respected that, was happy for him even. Bruce may not have appreciated that once he got his memories back but that's Bruce for you. The point is, everyone backed Alfred. Everyone agreed to take a step back, to move on with our lives, and to let Bruce be just Bruce.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was an unwanted twinge of bitterness in his chest, “I wasn't even given one day at the Manor to try and adjust to everything. No one even tried to ease me into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a wave of desperation clawing up through the bitterness and it must have shown on his face because Babs was beginning to look worried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I needed a break like Bruce did,” he tried, some of the words almost catching in his throat, “A break from being Nightwing. Maybe that bullet was a sign. But no one seemed to consider that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused, letting it sit for a moment, then continued softly, “I know that Ric hurt you. Not to excuse his dismissal of you, but he was hurting too at the time. And now that I have my memories back I can't help but still feel that same pain of being overlooked.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Overlooked?” Babs asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When people look at me they Dick Grayson instead of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him, her brow furrowing more, “Dick that doesn’t make any sense.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a sad laugh, “You know, I've never said any of this out loud before. Not sure if I wanted to dump all this on you like this, but...I told Bruce when he sent me undercover in Spyral that I wasn't his boy anymore, that our relationship was never going to be the same. But, here I am doing what I've always done. Everyone expects me to just be Dick Grayson all the time. And so I am. But being Dick Grayson seems to mean being whatever the family needs me to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I became Batman because the family needed me to. I infiltrated Spyral because Bruce needed me to. After Bludhaven was destroyed, and I had all but given up being Nightwing, Tim found me and told me how much Bruce still needed me,” he shook his head, staring out at nothing, “I got so angry, Babs, so angry. Because I knew I was going to be coming back. I couldn't stay away. So, I get why you said that too. When the family needs me, I come running. It's just expected. Tim let himself fall once, in some ridiculous situation, and I caught him. And when I asked him why he had done that, he told me that he knew I would catch him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her with wide eyes, “Really? Because I didn't know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick began pacing, Babs following him with her eyes, ready to step in if she needed, “If I don't catch them, am I still Dick Grayson? It doesn't feel like I would be. I get it, Babs. As much as it hurt everyone, I get why Ric just left the way he did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Babs stiffened, making Dick stop mid-step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was one of the issues right here. And if he wasn't careful with what he said she was going to shut him out again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to her and made sure to look her in the eyes as he continued, “I have all of my memories back, Babs, technically I am Dick Grayson and yet ‘Dick Grayson’ still feels like some unattainable standard that I am scrambling to meet. And it certainly felt like one that Ric could never hope to live up to. The family kept saying they needed Dick or Nightwing and it was something that Ric didn’t believe he could ever give you. So he gave up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bab’s features twisted in a way he couldn't quite interpret. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t screw this up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped his gaze, “I'm sorry if I'm messing this up. I ended up saying a lot more than I meant to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dick, stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up again and, oh... sad. She was sad.  He could see it in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone knows you're a rambler, Dick Grayson,” she said, giving him a gentle smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He could feel a touch of relief loosening his tense muscles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Criminals have come to fear your mouth more than your fist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled, “I quip like no other.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile dropped, “And apologize like no other as well. You're right, I was being selfish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What? No-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's not what I said, Babs-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But,” she interrupted firmly, “It's what </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm</span>
  </em>
  <span> saying. I never realized you felt like that...feel like that I know Jason makes those golden boy jokes but you always make what you do seem so natural,” she huffed, realizing something, “As much you seem to purposefully put your self in the spotlight, sometimes I forget that you don’t just put on a performance for the criminals and that that is something you first learned in the circus...” she sighed, “The only part of your life that Ric remembered. I was ignoring your point of view during everything that happened; for very selfish reasons.” Sighing again, she folded her arms, “Do you know what hurt the most in all of this? The family fell apart without you. I mean, not completely but we had a pretty tough time of it. But that wasn't what hurt. What hurt, was the fact that you didn't need us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick shook his head, “No, Babs…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, bird boy,” she said, keeping his flood of apologies back simply by placing a hand firmly on his chest, “it's my turn now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waited for his nod of agreement before continuing, “It's true that there were times when you could have used our vigilante help and whatever Bruce said and no matter how Ric would have felt about it, we should have been there for you for those times. But, family-wise, from what I saw, you didn't seem to need us, certainly not the way we needed you. You just...started over. You made a new home, a new family; that didn't include us. You eventually started going out as a vigilante again and never once came to us. We didn't fit in your life anymore, yet you had cut yourself out of our lives completely, leaving a gaping wound and you didn't seem to care. I know you couldn't remember. But it hurt. It felt like, after all these years, we meant nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And instead of doing the healthy thing like talking about it, as this family is known for…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick couldn't help the laugh that escaped, making Babs smile as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just took all of my insecurities and the hurt I was feeling and turned it into anger and took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that and I should be the one apologizing to you. I'm sorry.” She locked eyes with him, “I'm sorry, Dick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick froze. He hadn’t been expecting a turn like this in the conversation. He’d been hoping to at least get to the point where they could work together again without the very obvious freeze out between them. This though...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Babs gave him an amused look, “You're allowed to accept it without  looking like you’re full of yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a nod, feeling sheepish for his too-long pause, “I accept your apology, Babs,” then tilted his head, adding, “I hope you’ll accept mine, for hurting you like that, for making you feel like you don’t matter to me. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her gaze turned thoughtful and she a few steps back until she was leaning against the arm of the couch, “From what you said, it sounds like you still want to run away, as Ric did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wouldn't now, Babs,” Dick insisted, “Ric had no idea how much this family means to me. What I’m willing to do for each one of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is the only thing stopping you from leaving just some, potentially unhealthy need to please the family?” she asked in wonder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick paused, actually taking a moment to think over the question. He’d had some time now to overthink everything that had happened to him as Ric, dissect every choice he’d made, trying to define himself or explain it away. But something had stood out that he couldn’t ignore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so,” he answered slowly, “Jason says I’ve got bad boundaries with the family. Maybe that’s true. But I know that I’m not the kind of person who will just leave or ignore it when people need me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Babs raised her brows in a challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not completely,” he amended, “That’s why I eventually started going out again at night. And that’s why, if you noticed, I never went farther away than Bludhaven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barbara blinked in surprise. She hadn’t actually considered that. Bludhaven had been his home base for so many years that she had just assumed he had felt more comfortable there. But he didn’t have his memories, there should have been nothing keeping him there any more than Gotham. And he’d stayed anyway. Huh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Although,” he said pointedly, “I do kind of wish someone had noticed that the Court of Owls was trying to brainwash me. Since Bruce was,” he lifted his fingers making air quotes, “‘checking up on me’ so often.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time it was Barbara who laughed, “Yeah, you might want to remind him of that anytime he tries to imply how perspective he is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dick couldn’t help returning the wide smile before asking tentatively, “Are we alright, Babs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile turned soft, “Yeah, I think we are, bird boy.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm dead on my feet. Did I miss tags?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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